salam. evening. God i do tend to blog a lot during evenings don’t i?

engagement. catchy title, i know. sadly it’s not mine. yet. nor is it anybody’s.

see, we’ve been watching these western movies and dramas and such since.. i don’t know, since we first started watching tv maybe. often, every once in a while we come across a scene where the guy gets down on one knee, pulls out a ring and pops the question to the girl. the girls cries out tears of joy, says “YES!” in a teary-eyed touchy manner and they live happily ever after. maybe.

i’m not interested in the story of them both, i’m not the “jaga tepi kain orang” type. i think. what i’m interested in is the way the guy proposes to the girl. before this i looked at this situation lightly, that i thought “ah typical westerners, just like that and they become someone’s fiancee”. but then i thought, isn’t it supposed to be JUST like that?

engagement is a promise. when the girl says yes, regardless of how she says it, she is, matter-of-factly, giving the guy a PROMISE that someday they would spend the rest of the lives together. even in Islam, engagement requires no formal ceremony or witnesses like during the akad nikah. guy proposes, girl accepts, engaged. moreover, it is also sunat, or encouraged, that the engagement be kept private, known only to the families involved, and that marriage is the one to be foretold to the community in order to prevent bad accusations.

i’m a malay, was raised a malay, and follow certain customs of malays i.e. wear baju melayu, hand out things with my right hand, “salam cium tangan” and such. malays too, are famous for our lavish customs, especially when talking about engagements and weddings. during engagements for example, there will be a “rombongan meminang” to the girl’s house bringing along the “tepak sirih” (although i doubt they still do that), talks between the elders, and of course some “makan-makan” afterwards. weddings too, with the “bersanding” and everything. keep in mind though, that these customs aren’t all obligatory, but since it’s the custom, we do it. or else “nanti apa kata orang?”.

i’m not trying to condemn these customs, but they do tend to be quite costly. and didn’t Islam teach us to be moderate as stated in the Qur’an:

وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا أَنفَقُوا لَمْ يُسْرِفُوا وَلَمْ يَقْتُرُوا وَكَانَ بَيْنَ ذَٰلِكَ قَوَامًا

“and [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate” – Al-Furqan, verse 67

point is, i’m still young. ok that’s not really my point. my point is, the current young me, later in life (God willing), will meet someone whom i will grow fond towards, and whom i will promise to take care and live with for the rest of my life, and hopefully when i make that promise, it will be in moderation in accordance to Islamic laws. insyaAllah :)



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